- I drive in circles but never get pulled over, they just warn me I’m getting older.
- I watch both sunsets and sunrises because I’m nothing if not openly available.
- Quarter of a century but my needs still elude me, I’ll figure it out eventually but I miss being twenty-three.
- I bite my nails and scratch my face and it never fails to make me feel out of place.
- I keep driving somewhere new but using roads I already know.
They always feel like they’re going somewhere, but I never follow. I think about following, sometimes I imagine it in great detail, but then I sink deeply into consumption. Consuming is a delicious form of procrastination.
I don’t like to judge myself for how I spend my time, because that seems like it would be the biggest waste of time, so I was still weighing my options when I got home from work today. It was the kind of shift you have to wash off yourself or else you’ll start to rot. The truth is I tried as hard as I could to get some kind of noise going, but my phone was on the verge of death. Any podcast, show, or video would drain it in a minute. I listened to the water hit the back of my head.
I knew I was going to write today. Even as I watched the cursor blink on the blank document while my hair dried. I had the first line in my mind, it was one of my notes app lines. I thought of it while staring at the sky, imagining what I might do with the rest of my day.
I’ve never used AI for writing. My relationship with it has been solely through pictures, satisfying my curiosities about my gender and my future. It came after my time in school, but even if I had access to it then I would’ve been too scared to use it. Scared to get caught, sure, but mostly scared to develop imposter syndrome as a writer. I felt like an AI writer anyways, turning my brain off and letting my hands type nonstop for hours the night before an essay was due. The words always just happened. All of this to say I don’t know why I thought of using ChatGPT to help me write, but I did.
Prompt:
Write a story about a girl who falls in love with a hallucination of her shadow self.
I wasn’t sure if the AI would understand the romantic and sexual tension between the girl and her shadow self, or even what a shadow self is. Then I read what the AI came up with, and I knew I had to recreate it. There were lines that caught me so off guard I had to remind myself that AI is the regurgitation of human creations. I needed to know if you could feel the difference between AI and human writing. The answer is both obvious and inherent, but the experiment would satisfy my psychic vision of writing. And plus, I want to discuss what this AI wrote.
Girl Falls for Shadow
by ChatGPT
Once upon a time(1), in a quaint little town nestled between rolling hills and dense forests, there lived a girl named Elara. She was known throughout the village for her enigmatic beauty, her soulful brown eyes, and her long, ebony hair that cascaded down her back like a waterfall of midnight(2). But beneath her striking appearance lay a secret, a secret that Elara had never shared with anyone.
Every night, as the moon rose in the velvety sky, Elara would venture into the depths of the forest, guided only by the silvery glow of moonlight filtering through the leaves(3). There, in the heart of the woods, she would perform a peculiar ritual that she had kept hidden from the prying eyes of the world.
Elara believed in the existence of her shadow self, a hidden facet of her own soul that was a mirror image of her deepest desires and fears(4). This belief had been ingrained in her from a young age, passed down through generations of her family. They spoke of a connection to another world, a realm where one’s true self could be found, not in the physical form, but in the shadows that danced at the periphery of their vision(5).
As Elara ventured deeper into the forest that night, the air grew cooler, and the rustling leaves seemed to whisper secrets only she could hear. She found her way to a clearing, bathed in the ethereal light of the moon. There, she stood, casting her own silhouette upon the ground.
“Show yourself,” she whispered, her voice trembling with anticipation.
And then, as if in response to her plea, her shadow began to move independently of her. It swayed and shifted, taking on a life of its own. Elara watched in wonder and trepidation as the shadow morphed into a figure, a silhouette of a girl that was unmistakably her, yet different in a way she couldn’t quite explain(6).
The shadow girl had a mischievous glint in her eyes, and her smile held a hint of secrets long buried. She stepped out of the darkness, moving closer to Elara until their shadows overlapped and merged.
“Who are you?” Elara asked, her voice quivering.
“I am the reflection of your desires, your fears, your hidden self,” the shadow girl replied in a voice that seemed to echo from the depths of the forest.
As the nights passed, Elara continued to visit the clearing, forging a unique connection with her shadow self. She named her shadow companion Selene, after the moon that had brought them together. They talked for hours, sharing secrets and dreams that Elara had never dared to reveal to anyone else.
Elara’s love for Selene grew stronger with each passing night. She was drawn to the enigmatic allure of her shadow self, and in the secrecy of the forest, their connection deepened into something she couldn’t quite define. She found herself falling in love with a hallucination, with a part of herself that existed beyond the boundaries of reality.
But as Elara’s heart became entangled with Selene, she couldn’t help but wonder if her love for a mere reflection of her own soul was madness or something far more profound(7). Little did she know that her journey into the depths of the forest would lead her to discover the true nature of her shadow self and the secrets hidden within her own heart.
- Classic. I love this. I wouldn’t even satirically start a story this way, but I love how human it is.
- A waterfall of midnight? The fact that this simile doesn’t make literal sense is amazing to me. I love similes that lack reality-based comparisons. A body of water of time? I love it!
- This description is beautiful. Not innovative or anything, but really beautiful.
- AI knows how to describe the shadow self in an accurate way. Wow.
- What did you just say? What… that was thought-provoking…
- Yet different in a way she couldn’t quite explain. Something about this line makes me feel something. I don’t know what it is, but the fact that I’m feeling something in the first place is surprising to me.
- Madness or something more profound! I am losing my mind! These have to be stolen directly from another piece of literature because this is so well-written.
Anyways, those were my thoughts. Feel free to comment your thoughts on what the AI wrote because I was really caught by surprise. Although, to be fair, I have Pisces placements meaning a piece of litter floating in the wind could make me feel something.
My intentions were to rewrite the AI’s story as closely as possible, but I disagreed with a few aspects of the plot. For one, due to the nature of the shadow self I find it hard to picture it as a pretty girl from the moment it manifests. I imagine it being something terrifying to face, the scariest moment of your entire life. With that being said, here it is.
It Could Be Us
Sadie Olivia
A few miles above the surface of the Earth, the night was peeling the day away. Empty paths filled only with the sound of flickering fires and echoing enigmas surrounded a lone girl, wandering home. Elara was as meek as the breeze that pushed past her. In times of desperation she could push herself to spontaneity, though she always ended up somewhere like this, lost on roads less traveled by. Although somewhere in the back of her mind was the visualization of her destination, the comfort of her own home, all she could swallow was the constant stimulation of life around her. Every little crunch, each elusive whisper, Elara could feel it all beneath her skin.
And then, “Elara?”
At first the voice was so aligned with the chaos of the night she played it off as a creaking tree, or perhaps a scampering stranger, or perhaps anything else. Until the stillness. As though the entire forest was clearing its throat, swallowing its collective nature to create one singular voice.
“Elara, is that you?”
In the exact moment that the reflection of light on the distant pair of eyes met Elara’s vision, her body was weighed down with an unmovable heaviness. All she could do was maintain direct eye contact with the bodiless being. At first, the eyes were only white, blindingly bright and god-like. And then, they rolled back. If she wasn’t stuck staring at it, Elara wouldn’t have seen the fleshy and dysfunctional movement of the shadow’s body; she may have, for a moment, felt safe. The thing looked desperate to be human, but its limbs moved without empathy for its bones, so each step closer induced a sickening crunching sound.
Elara had been waiting for this moment. The tar-like flesh dripping off the nearly shattered bones, with soulless eyes that didn’t beg but demand attention. This was her shadow self, Selene. Selene was the name Elara chose when her mother first told her the story.
“One day,” her mother whispered like a sacred secret, “you will meet her. You both know you cannot exist separately, and you both have a decision to make. It’s you or her.”
Elara had made her decision that very moment, all those years ago. And in all that time she had never once considered if Selene would decide otherwise. For the first time, as the story persuaded and then transcended reality, she questioned if she was desirable to Selene.
“Or it could be us,” young Elara declared to her mother, as if it were such an obvious option. “If we’re the opposite sides of the same person, we can decide to collide.”
Her mother stared at a weeping willow through the window.
Soon enough Selene was face to face with Elera. Her face was a collection of throbbing wounds, held together by stringy desperation. Her teeth were jagged like raw wood, dripping with her own thick blood. Their noses touched and the sensation burned Elara’s skin with such a pure pain she was incapable of making a decision. Although actions require less of us, and Elara acquired just enough will to push her face a bit closer.
Close enough to kiss Selene. It was soft. And warm. She could feel the humanness of Selene’s skin, though the intensity of their touch didn’t dim in the slightest. Instead, it transformed into a pleasure that was nearly violent. She pushed Selene away.
Although the night had only just begun, the sun seemed to rise behind Selene as Elara perceived her, again, for the first time. She was a morning cup of tea. Rose hips and pine needles and cinnamon and orange zest. Her skin was morning light and her eyes the dew. Everything beautiful about her was eerily silent. Long, auburn hair that didn’t blow in the breeze. Freckles so perfectly arranged Elara couldn’t help but wonder if they were a map. Mindlessly, entranced in the unholy beauty of her other self, she reached out to trace the paths she saw on the bridge of Selene’s nose.
Selene grabbed Elara’s wrist so quickly that her only response was to gasp of pure fear. And just as quickly, she pulled her face to face. It was different this time, of course, but Elara noticed she was no less scared of her than the first time. Even with the face of a dream.
“Why did you kiss me?” The question was timid, which surprised Elara. The first crack in the concrete.
“Because I’ve always wanted to.” The crack creeped wider when Selene’s eyes slightly widened. The monster that crawled out of the forest was as meek as the breeze that pushed between them. Elara could feel the lightness of her body return. She stood still with her shadow self.
“Do you want to do it again?” She did.
The first difference I noticed, after reading mine back, was the timeline. When I started writing it I was aiming for the same length as the AI’s, but I got lost in the details. Although I was impressed by the writing, the characters’ connection lacked the tension necessary to invoke the meaning behind the plot. By rushing it, their relationship becomes polite and easy. By zooming in on the moment they meet, each thought and action indirectly explains the meaning behind their relationship. What differences did you notice?
I enjoyed this experiment. It helped me write, mostly because the concept of AI trying to mimic a human experience makes me existential in a way I can’t quite explain.
silasoliver.art 
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