For this blog post, I’ve decided to shake things up. Here is a short story I’ve written, followed by a reading for each sign as usual. I hope you enjoy.

Warning: This story includes violence. I try to encourage myself to write about topics that aren’t always my first choice, and violence is definitely a mysterious topic to write about for me. This was my attempt at it.

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They thought I did it because I read too much Kurt Vonnegut; the official conclusion was that the intention was behind mimicking a famous author’s fictional belief system. That gave me a good laugh.

It was a simple gesture, really, all I had done was become passionate about something and share it with the world. In doing so you could argue a few crimes were committed, but isn’t the gain of knowledge worth it? That’s what I tried to argue, anyways, when they sat me down in one of their bleak interrogation rooms, which I had come to believe was only so dull due to lack of funding rather than to scare anyone who sat in the metal chair. They didn’t handcuff me, either, seeing as they had come to believe that I was an average sixteen year old, simply picking up on the wrong kind of ideas. “A kid,” they said again and again, “she’s just a kid.”

My interpretation of Vonnegut’s work had very little to do with my project. Inspiration always comes from many sources; how else would originality remain? The more concepts you combine the more rare the product becomes. If I were to have based my newly found philosophy solely on a couple of books about non-linear time and aliens, I wouldn’t have a very strong standing next to Aristotle or Plato, would I? See, I really wanted to make it in the philosophy world. And anyways, I thought I had a pretty good chance since it seemed to be a dying interest.

“Can you describe, in full detail, the story of this event from the moment you planned it to right now?” said the private detective, in her spiffy overalls and fancy coat that I could tell she wore to fulfill some childhood vision. I smiled real wide, like I always did when asked a question.

In addition to Vonnegut, the stew that brewed my actions also included the ingredients of childhood trauma, of course, a very recent unrequited love, and the immortal song Asleep by The Smiths. 

In the quiet still of my adolescent room, I would spend most nights staring into the abyss of posters, paintings, books, dirty dishes, clothes, and even a stuffed animal too dear for me to lock away in a closet. While these things blended together in the dark, I’d put a tape into my walkman, the tape that carried that very song on it, even though I had a perfectly fine phone that could stream any song at any second. There was just something about the crinkle of the cassette tape that sent a shiver down my ever-growing spine. In that dark I saw a lot of things, mostly things I didn’t want to see but I’d watch anyway, like how we always joke that there’s a reason for watching poorly made movies, that somehow the fact that they even tried to be good in the first place was humourous for us. I thought my life was a lot like that and I watched my memories in the same respect.

The last thing that contributed to this all taking place was the money my mother gave me on her way to work. She gave me a twenty dollar bill for lunch, but I was never really hungry. She kissed me on the forehead, told me she loved me, and never left in the morning without doing so. So you see, no matter how many times they argued I was an neglected, unloved child, I knew that they were just avoiding the truth. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” my mother said, before closing the door behind her, and neither of us knew that wasn’t true yet.

“So this idea came to you during one of your nightly listens to your favorite song?” said the detective, her name tag reflecting the single lightbulb so intensely that I couldn’t tell what her name was. Shelby, maybe? Sarah? I didn’t want to be rude and not know who I was talking to.

“Asleep is not my favorite song.” I leaned back in my chair, stretching my arms far beyond my head, hearing my young body heave and crack. When that song played, I rarely slept well afterwards. “In terms of The Smiths, my favorite song would have to be… well, There Is A Light That Never Goes Out probably. In general my favorite song is definitely Lovesong by The Cure.”

“That wasn’t the question,” Sam said. While I talked about my favorite songs she had moved in order to rub her eyebrows with her fingers in that pained sort of way. The light was no longer on her name tag now and I saw that her full name was Sam Smelter. “How did the idea to do this come to you? We’re just trying to retrace your footsteps. This is in your favor, you know that?”

“Fine,” I said, admitting defeat to the boring way of understanding the reasoning behind something. I had taken an Intro to Morals class at the community college down the street after school, and I had been hoping this would go a little something like that, more a discussion of why rather than how.

The night before my mother handed me twenty dollars, I had been listening to that song for the fifth time and had been a good way through Vonnegut’s Sirens of Titan, where, if you haven’t read it before, a new religion was being created on Earth, a religion of equality and of a God that doesn’t care about anyone. I really liked that.

It made me consider, as an unrare tear streamed down my face at Morrisey’s voice, how truly unfair everything was. And not in that simple kind of way, but a deeper, sadder way. I began to feel in my own small human body the sadness and injustice that every human on this planet sat with. How the rich never knew how it felt to starve and the poor never knew how it felt to feel too full to move. How beautiful people were never alone and ugly people always were. How boys never cried and girls always did. How we, individually, were a million things but always one thing or another, and how it never mattered which we were; we were always sad.

Sam wrote this down in the journal that had previously sat untouched between us. She wrote, from what I could see, Martyr complex? I thought that was a nice way of putting it.

So that’s where the idea came from. And the next day with money in my hand, I made my way to the craft shop in town, skipping my first three periods, but timing it so I’d make it to lunch. I bought three things: 1. a long piece of fabric ($8.99) 2. the largest paintbrush they had ($4.99) 3. a pint of pure black paint ($5.99) When I didn’t have enough money for tax the cashier just shrugged and took my twenty. 

There were a lot of messages I thought to paint, but when I came upon the superior one it felt pretty obvious. So I painted it, dried it out with my mother’s blow dryer, rolled it up and used my scrunchies to keep it shut, then made my way to school. 

The cafeteria was empty during the fourth period, save the lunch ladies hard at work unfreezing their plastic food. “Are you supposed to be here?” one of them said, her mouth covered by mindless celebrity gossip magazine. It made me sad.

“I’m hanging a poster for a new club,” I said and she didn’t ask another question. One of the crimes that was committed was that while, yes, I had bought a few of my needed materials, I also stole a couple others, which included: 1. a roll of duct tape (free) 2. a pair of fabric scissors (free). I climbed onto one of the tables and began taping my fabric up, its message clear and bold for everyone to see when they made their ways in. In my backpack were hundreds of papers I had copied in the library, claiming that I was working on a life-changing project, which wasn’t a lie at all. 

The bell rang and a jitter of nervousness ran through me. I hoped that everyone would feel as free and happy as I did when they saw my message. I sat in the seat by my poster, retrieving my papers. I had always been a shy kid, never one to start a conversation or join a club or go out of my way at all to meet people. Something changed when I laid in my bed last night, thinking of this moment, I knew I had no choice; I had to help the human race, even if I was too shy to do things like ask my crush to the school dance.

When the first crowd came in, they simply ordered their lunch and sat down. I went unseen. The next few waves began to point and whisper, considering the idea among themselves. It wasn’t until one particularly well-known, disruptive kid screamed my message aloud so that everyone’s eyes would be magnetically drawn, without a choice, to my fabric poster.

“Your lives are meaningless,” he read. I found this to be the perfect time to hand out my papers, which said a few different things, including: You’ll never be as beautiful as you want to be. You’ll never have as much money as you need to be happy. No matter how hard you work you’ll never feel accomplished. All the papers had something along those lines, and at first when I handed them out no one seemed to take them. So I stood up on a table and threw them into the air, and they all scattered like a terrible snow storm over the mass of students. They all reached up to grab one like some instinctive human defect, like they were putting their tongues out to taste the snow.

Some people laughed, some people looked angry, and some people cried. It was the exact kind of hurricane of self-reflection I had hoped to inspire. And then someone pulled me off the table. It was my best friend.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she said. “We had mental health awareness week like a month ago and people were really beginning to open up. Why would you do this?”

I have always found Cecilia more beautiful than me. From her perfect, hazel hair, to her perfect, worn Converse. She was too good to be true, if you ask me, like someone your mind invents for the plot of a dream. She was my extroverted, charismatic other half. One thing I’ve known long before most of my generation is that everything is temporary. Even people, especially love.

“Because it’s the truth, can’t you see that? How is any of this untrue?” I wasn’t expecting her to understand; I was fully aware that my truest believers would be somewhere among the crowd, unnoticed by me before now. 

“This is just bullshit nihilism and you’re taking everyone down with you on your road to self-destruction. You’re fucking selfish.” After she said that she began to walk around, ripping the papers from people’s hands, crumbling them and throwing them in the trash. Some of her other friends, the ones just as beautiful as her, followed suit, until most of the papers were lying lifeless on the floor. For the most part everyone else was silent or eating.

“Everyone!” shouted Cecilia, from the center of the cafeteria. “The papers and poster that you have just seen were a sad person’s attempt at getting attention from us! Do not believe anything they say! Your lives are beautiful and valuable and I wouldn’t want to live in a world without any of you. If this has disrupted your mental health, please see a counselor!” It was at this time that the security walked in, having been called by the lunch ladies, looking for the culprit. I would’ve been ready to leave at this point, but my message had become so misunderstood that I needed to make some last minute adjustments.

Cecilia and I met in middle school bonding over confusion and growth, that time old tale of childhood friendship. It hadn’t occurred to me immediately that she was more beautiful than I was or that this fact meant anything. No, I had never mentioned to her that I was in love with her and that the only reason her beauty bothered me was because it was untouchable, that she was a light that could never go out and I was always asleep in the dark. No, I didn’t do this for her or because of her. No, the philosophy would have existed regardless of her. 

There are so many reasons for any given event to occur, it amazes me that the police even tries to solve crimes through motives. It seems like painful work to be a detective, to have to use science like psychology to conjure up excuses for human action. I shouldn’t have had to tell Sam Smelter that I was in love with a beautiful girl who didn’t know I had ever been in love with her but surely wouldn’t believe me now.

“What happened next?” said Sam, leaning forward in her seat like the story I was telling was more than necessary, it was good. I flattered myself by believing that.

“I walked up to her, while everyone was still looking at her, and I took out my fabric scissors and I stabbed them into her neck.” 

It didn’t matter that a single song could make me cry, or that I could experience jealousy and love in the same sweeping motion, or that I was willing to drag the whole world down with me. The real problem is that you think that anything leads to anything else. You’re reading this story and trying to remember everything I’ve told you, like maybe you’re wondering why my mother didn’t come home from work and what that meant, or why my best friend only appeared in the moment she dragged me down from my throne of philosophy. You must be thinking there are some plot holes here, right? Does it somehow wrap up together nicely, tucked seams and ribbon and all?

When I made the deep hole in the neck of the girl my adolescent heart decided to love and I watched her beauty drip down her body and onto her clothes, the color red, and she screamed things that sounded a lot like, “I love you too,” in my head, I considered only this: Maybe I wasn’t right, but I wasn’t wrong either. 

“You stole those scissors the same time you bought everything else,” Sam said. “Was it your intention to demonstrate your hatred for beauty in front of your peers? Had this been part of the plan?”

“Sam,” I said, cooly, and at the sound of her name from my mouth she blinked. “There was never any plan. Can’t you see that? I stole the scissors because I hated the way the edges of the fabric were frayed, but when I hung it up I loved how it looked like an ancient scroll, revealed to us for the first time in centuries. I threw the unnecessarily stolen scissors back into my bag. I can tell that the real question is, why? And that’s really what I’ve been waiting for you to ask this whole time, so I’m happy to tell you. 

“Before this all took place, I’ve always been just like every other sixteen year old. So what I read Vonnegut, listen to the Smiths, fall into portals of deep, dark confusion? So does everyone my age. What I didn’t mention was that my best friend was there most of those nights. She slept over every night because my mother is a nurse and sometimes I don’t know when she’ll be home. Sometimes my mother sleeps in the hospital cots for days, helping people and sleeping in the little time that someone doesn’t summon her. That night, when that idea came to me, it had been my best friend reading that book aloud to me and you know what she said? She said, ‘The religion in this book is so wildly designed to look good, that you almost have to realize it’s satire. He’s a great writer, huh? There’s no way a religion founded on our differences would work.’ And that’s when the idea hit me, Sam, because I really just thought I’d try.”

Sam hesitates before speaking again, but decides on, “So why did you harm her, then?”

“That’s a good question, and I’ll be honest that I’ve been wondering the same thing. All in all, I think I just knew that I’d still find her the most beautiful girl in the world even with a giant gash in her neck. So in that case, I think maybe I realized that I was wrong but I was also right. I realized that we are all one thing or the other and that everything comes with a fair share of bullshit and injustice, but just the same, beauty or not, something like love could prevail. I had created and conquered my own philosophy in just one day.”

They had run plenty of tests on me and I checked out for the ripe description of perfectly sane. Not a single demented cell in my brain. And to be perfectly honest with you, I think that was what was so terrifying about the whole thing, the reason why Sam left the room with a pale face. She saw then that her and I’s brains were working in the same function, regardless of personal life memories or anything of the sort, so she was just as capable of my actions as I was. In this way, I knew my impact was great.

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A Philosophy To Consider… Reading for the Signs

It’s important to consider that our current perception, at any given time, is temporary. That being said, here is a reading to help you understand what you might need to consider to improve your current perception.

Readings apply to Sun, Moon, Rising, Mercury, Mars, and Venus.

ARIES ♈︎

Death

You need to consider the philosophies of impermanence. I can think of no sign more oblivious and yet simultaneously aware of their own mortality than Aries. No, the death card is not actually about death, but what should “die” for you is the idea that your youth might end. You are afraid of your inner child being replaced by the “adult” responsibilities of money and material ownership. What you must remember, however, is that your inner child cannot die and receiving abundance in any form happens only when you are ready for it. Do not fear your own impulsive nature, for it is exactly what will teach you about the beauty of the temporary.

TAURUS ♉︎

Temperance

You need to consider the philosophies of change. Sure, this sounds like a stereotype of Taurus, but you’re the one dealing with this current event. You are currently experiencing an unbecoming, a time of peeling yourself away from tradition. Your tribe, whether it is family or friends or coworkers, is gaining distance from you, whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual. You’re having a hard time accepting this and that’s exactly why you must consider change. Repeat after me: “Change is inevitable.” Say it again and again until the next time life throws a curveball at you, you catch it.

GEMINI ♊︎

Five of Pentacles

You need to consider the philosophies of sharing. More specifically, you need to start sharing your talents with the world. What I’m seeing here is an opposing perception of truth. You might believe that by not sharing your talents with the world, you are protecting yourself from experiencing insecurity. The reality is that by not sharing your talents, you are avoiding the possibility of experiencing more confidence. Confidence is gained through experiences of self expression. In addition, sharing is about the giving and receiving of the universe. Do you truly believe that you will not receive equal to what you put out? Don’t start to think of your past rejections, either, as if you didn’t learn from those experiences. Share yourself, Gemini, most likely everyone has been waiting for you to.

CANCER ♋︎

King of Swords

You need to consider the philosophies of sharing. You and Gemini, huh? The summer babies are feeling shy, apparently. Your situation is a little different though, because you need to start sharing stories more than just your talent. It seems like recently, whether it was once or many times, you’ve had something you wanted to share with someone, but ultimately decided to play it safe and stay quiet. Stop that, Cancer! Tell your best friend about your childhood dog, tell your significant other about your ex, tell your professor about your favorite book. I know that at the root of your fears is rejection, but I think you know that you cannot be rejected if you do not reject yourself. But that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s not others rejecting you that seems so frightening, it’s that time and time again you reject yourself. The next time you have the chance to tell your story, don’t reject yourself, tell the story!

LEO ♌︎

Strength

You need to consider the philosophies of strength. Looks like to help you out, Leo, we’re going to need to crack down on the past’s definition of strength versus the true definition of strength. See, we’re not talking about strength in the form of bravado, the charming ladies man prince who saves the day. The strength you need comes in the form of femininity. Consider what courage it takes to be kind to someone who doesn’t seem deserving of it. Consider what bravery it takes to be vulnerable with your significant other. Consider what shame hides so deep inside of you that you don’t even associate strength with the act of femininity, the daring challenge of creating a community that lacks competition. Who would you be if you had no desire to compare yourself to your counterparts? You would have just as much value working with like-minded others as you do working against them.

VIRGO ♍︎

Three of Cups

You need to consider the philosophies of community. The idea of creating a community originated as a form of survival; we knew early on that humans need each other. Now that we are thousands of years progressed and in the dreary time of late stage capitalism, community is less geographical and more spiritual than ever. Let me see if I got this right, Virgo; you’re in a creative drought. It’s not that you’re not creating, because of course you can’t stop making plans (you’re as earthy as it gets), but rather that you don’t feel like anything new is coming out. That’s where community comes in, my friend. Whether it’s in person or through the internet, you need to connect to more tribes. That’s right, not even just one, but as many as you can find. The more people you connect with, the more inspiration that will flow into your life. And I get it, you’re feeling antisocial. You have people in your life already and maybe you don’t feel like you have enough time, but just be still. Stop for a moment. Is everything as busy as you say, or are you equally afraid of the very same recognition that you crave?

LIBRA ♎︎

The Empress

You need to consider the philosophies of self-love. It never comes as a surprise to me when I pull The Empress for Libras. What does come as a surprise, however, is that you seem to be experiencing a problem you don’t normally have to work on. You understand love and beauty through the lens of balance, you know how easy it is to tip the scale for either. It appears that the rules do not apply to you, however. In all your wisdom, you’re far too prideful to admit that sometimes you feel distant from the concept of love, so much so that sometimes you barely love yourself. What is self-love to you, dear Libra? Why don’t you treat yourself the same way you treat your significant other, your friends, your family? It’s because you’re too stubborn to see that you do not exist to balance others out, but to balance yourself out as well. It’s okay, Libra, because you know, “this too shall pass.” So clean the pile of clothes off the floor, take the dirty dishes to the sink, and paint a picture with your favorite face mask on. You can never stop being beautiful, you can only temporarily stop feeling beautiful.

SCORPIO ♏︎

Eight of Cups

You need to consider the philosophies of connection. I’m talking specifically about the connection with human beings. This is giving me real The Grinch vibes. You’ve recently reached a new success, whether you’ve learned something about yourself, got a promotion at work, published an artwork or writing, or began a new and satisfying relationship. Whatever success you’ve encountered, it has had the opposite effect of what you anticipated. You’re feeling further away from the human race than ever before, sitting up on your mountaintop. One philosophy of human connection is that we must love everyone, regardless of their “sins.” Sin is just the traditional word, especially being that in modern times it takes less and less for other human beings to decrease in worth to us. People have and will continue to fail you, Scorpio, but you must believe that somewhere inside them is the same light inside you. I know you are the eighth house, the Death card, and you teach us more than any other sign what beauty lies in the dark. But who will teach you what beauty lies in the light? Yourself, of course! Your duality is unmatched. Love thy neighbor, you kind water sign.

SAGITTARIUS ♐︎

The Emperor

You need to consider the philosophies of power. I see that something new has happened for you, Sagittarius. You have changed the title of a relationship or a job or passion and this change has granted you more power. What is power? More often than not, it is defined as control over something or someone. That isn’t what real, honest, spiritual power is however. Beware of the fire that has created you because, like fire, power can take over quicker than one can stop it. Just because your opinion suddenly holds more weight or people are awaiting your decisions, you must remain centered in that deep, beautiful part of yourself. The universe often puts humans in positions of power so that they won’t use it. The stubbornness inside you will want to take advantage of this change in your life, to control the outcome now that you can. You must remember that before this event happened, you were capable of just as much happiness as you are now. Find satisfaction in this exact moment.

CAPRICORN ♑︎

The Wheel of Fortune

You need to consider the philosophies of karma. So when you were a child you, just like anybody else, were given experiences to help you form your personal morals. Your earthy energy solidified these child-made morals, some of them even continue to exist to this day. It’s not that you didn’t feel bad when you, say, hurt someone else’s feelings or broke someone’s trust. You just didn’t want to be considered the bad guy, especially since young Capricorns are knowledgeable kids, they know early on that no matter what decision someone makes they must simply keep going. That is exactly what made life so hard for you, however. Consider the duality of decisions. An event swings toward us and we use our energy to swing it back, towards whatever direction we conclude is correct. No, you’re not the bad guy, but you are the inventor of your perception, the author behind your life story. What chapter comes next? Another plot filled with pain and learning, or have you finally arrived at your arc of redemption? As you know, the choice is yours.

AQUARIUS ♒︎

Nine of Pentacles

You need to consider the philosophies of loyalty. I know the word loyalty leaves a bitter taste in any Aquarius placements’ mouth, but it’s the concept that counts. Here’s the thing. You can’t be surprised that relationships are always temporary when the decisions you make now threaten them. I have a feeling that some friendships have disappeared, or are on the verge of disappearing, because you are a leaf floating in the wind or whatever right? Wrong. It’s not enough to proclaim your birth chart’s Aquarius placements as if they’re an excuse for your inherent lack of loyalty. Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: You’re afraid. Self-sabotage is your artistic expression unless you learn a new one. I don’t mean to be especially hard on you, but I know you can handle it. Look, just stop talking about people behind their backs negatively and start complimenting what you do admire about people to their face. It’ll make a world of a difference for your future relationships.

PISCES ♓︎

Ace of Wands

You need to consider the philosophies of optimism. Oh Pisces, it seems you’re in another deep, self-loathing hole. Pisces, in my eyes, is the little quiet emo child of the zodiac, even more so than Scorpio I believe (at least Scorpio enjoys socializing with people). I know you don’t want to stop smoking weed or tripping on acid, or if you’re a sober Pisces you don’t want to take your eyes off book pages or your phone screen, but you’ve gone a little too deep outside of reality. You don’t like it here because it’s oppressive, right? Okay, Pisces, I’m going to say it but try not to get upset with me: You’re your own worst enemy. It isn’t aliens, God, the illuminati, the government, or the corporations. There is no such “them” you’re always talking about, waiting for you to be happy just to take it away from you. Your family, friends, and significant others aren’t betting on your failure, because the truth is, you’re the one doing so. It’s time to let go. When you take the first step you will not fall off a cliff, but rather be one stair higher on your road to happiness. Come visit us in reality, we have fun conversations and good times I promise!

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Song of the Day